Prieteni

"Nu mai pleca asa departe si asa de des, ca-ti pierzi anturajul si prietenii"
"Daca sunt prieteni care sa fie acolo o viata intreaga, o sa-i mai gasesc cand ma intorc. Daca nu, o sa imi fac alti prieteni"

2 replici dintr-o discutie cu matusa mea preferata. 2 replici care exprima o ambitie pe care am creat-o acum 8 ani, o ambitie care intre timp a devenit un principiu de viata (destul de des aplicat).

Cred in prietenii la distanta. Indiferent unde in lume sau in tara vom fi. Mi-e dor si drag de voi.

Feelings

My snowdrops are smiling at me and at my week.

I feel that the last seven days have been a long walk in a beautiful place. I feel as if I'm on a blanket in a field of flowers and I am listening to the wind. I feel as if a part of me started flying. I feel at peace. I am calm. I smile. I enjoy.

Timpul meu ARE rabdare.

High heels

I never liked high heels. I found (and still find) them uncomfortable, sometimes painful and most of the times stopping me from doing all kind of things (such as running, jumping, being silent). Even so, I feel completely irresistible when I put on high heels. I feel so elegant, so beautiful, so feminine... simply amazing!

I know that once you get used to something, the negative feelings tend to disappear, so lately I started putting on high heels. And it wasn't very bad as long as I was walking, dancing or doing any other activity. But sometimes I had to stop because I stumbeled upon some chairs and I was tired so I just couldn't say no. After a break, no matter is it's seconds or hours, I just couldn't continue walking with my high heels. I had to go home, take a shower, get a foot massage and then go to sleep. In the morning everything was OK and I could put on the high heels again. The only problem here is that the way home was sometimes too long, I got lost, the high heels wewre hurting and I couldn't walk barefoot as it was even more painful.

But somehow, I always made it home. And somehow, I always woke up the next day ready to put on the high heels one more time. And somehow, I started to avoid the chairs by changing my way, not my destination...

High heels are a funny thing in my life :)

Some smart stuff

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option" - Mark Twain.

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance" - Derek Curtis Bok

"If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it" - Andy Rooney

"Jenny, the wrong ones can't hurt you. It's the right ones... they're the killers" Ally McBeal

"My head is full.
It's called thinking. Go with it." Meredith Grey

These things are on my mind these days...

Miroase a primavara

Ieri cerul era de un albastru tupeist. Indiferent de cat de gri si labartati erau norii, cerul acela proaspat si plin de viata, impreuna cu cate o raza de soare (mai mult sau mai putin discreta) tot reuseau sa patrunda pana la umilii muritori si sa le creasca depozitul de speranta.

Ieri mirosea a zambile si ghiocei. Demult nu am mai vazut atat de multa intensitate in frumusetea din centimetrii patrati ai vaselor din florariile de la coltul strazii.

Azi e un soare atat de puternic incat se foloseste de norii albi ce il acopera intocmai ca de o oglinda. E din ce in ce mai multa lumina si simt din ce in ce mai multa caldura.

Azi adie un vant discret cu o poveste frumoasa pe care o poti auzi numai daca ii asculti cum trebuie tacerea.

Azi miroase a primavara!

Books and lifestyle

I was reading an article about books and it made me think again about my ideal world.

In my perfect world, I would live in BCU just like a princess... But I'm not a princess and I can't afford to buy/rent BCU in real world, so I'll stick to doing what I can do. I can change my way of treating my books. Right now, the very few books I have in Cluj are in a box quite dusty and ignored. I don't really use them anymore because they are mainly the ones I used for my final thesis on CSR and some on learning foreign languages. But they deserve more respect.

And because I don't want to be mean and disrespectful anymore, I will start reading books from BCU. Anyway, they are better because they are old, yellow pages and have a great scent. Until I will have a home of my own, I will just borrow books of which I don't have to take care. The moment I start creating my own library will be the moment I decide to settle down. Till then, I will just use public libraries as I can't actually buy or sell a book. It's literally painful for me to buy or sell a book that already has a story, a commitment with another person. Weird me, I know.

Flowers

I love flowers. The ones in the pot, the ones in a vase, the ones on a field, the ones in the garden, the ones in the flower market, all of them! I actually miss the flowers and the old lady near CCS - they were a reason to smile everyday :)

I was thinking these days to buy an azalea, but I realised that I won't be in Cluj very much my mid April, so I'd better postpone this if I want my azalea to be alive. But if I were to buy a flower in a pot, her name would be Irina.

Spring is almost here! So many flowers, so many beautiful scents, so many colours! So many reasons to smile just because I am here, now!

3 din 3

Imi place ziua de 22 februarie. Am avut o zi foarte faina, exact asa cum imi doream :)
Cele 3 obiective ale zilei:
- 10 la examenul de conta (luat)
- faci la SIMS in Slovenia (da!!!!!!!!!!! pe trackul de OPS :p)
- VP Membership in Toastmasters Cluj (yep, that's me)

Sunt entuziasmata!!! Imi place de mor sentimentul asta :)
Cateodata, parca toate stelele si eforturile se aliniaza :)

Foreign languages

When two people speak two different languages and they want to communicate, most of the times at least one of them will need to use a foreign language. Most of the times it takes years to become proficient in a different communication code. Of course, in order to have a successful conversation, you don't always need to be proficient, but you need at least an upper medium level.

For some is easier to learn a new language, but for some is not that easy. And the latter get lost in translation so many times! And they try to learn to from their mistakes, but they think they learnt their lesson and actually they didn't. So they end up doing the same mistakes over and over again. And then what happens to the communication process? It has so many bugs that the natives get frustrated or worse they become indifferent. Of course, there are plenty of solutions. But maybe sometimes people just don't want to find solutions when it comes to their comfort zone...

Of course, you can practice on your own and when you feel confident enough you can start talking to the natives... Maybe on the long run this is a better option than making mistakes all over again and instead of building a connection destroying it little by little...

small reminder

I forgot it's about what I choose. I forgot I have no right to feel hurt. I forgot I have no right to offend the others when I am hurt. I forgot that if I want to change, I need to want this and do this ewveryday. I forgot I am the one in charge with my feelings.

So this post is here to remind me. To remind me I am comfortable with my life now. To remind me that I am strong. To remind me that I need to be better. To remind me that the past belongs to the past.

:(

It's Sunday. I hate being alone on Sundays. It makes me feel lonely.

Duminica dimineata

M-am trezit cu 5 minute inainte sa sune ceasul (ce bine e!!! ma simt de parca as fi castigat o lupta esentiala cu cel mai mare inamic al meu- alarma de la telefon). Se anunta o zi buna, cel putin pana deschid geamul si ma incearca o senzatie de confuzie. Sentimentul in sine nu ar fi atat de important, cat mai ales intensitatea lui. E doar o dimineata care miroase a vant de primavara si-n care cativa fulgi mici si rataciti au decis sa iasa la o plimbare absolut haotica prin Clu. De ce las miscarea asta browniana a fulgilor sa ma afecteze atat de tare si sa ma simt confuza? Offff! Acum sunt si mai confuza...

Poate pentru ca asociez fulgisorii cu gandurile mele. Cu cat vorbesc mai mult cu oameni, cu cat le ascult mai povestile, cu atat se produc mai multe conexiuni, vin mai multe idei si se cimenteaza anumite credinte. Ieri a fost o zi importanta in progresul constructiei mele mentale :)

Job or no job?

I was thinking these days about my future. Only about my future. Because I finally moved on. The first question was "Should I get a job or no?" The question was simple, the answer on the other hand... I know why I wanted a job before, but now? Do I want to commit to it? Do I feel prepared? Do I trust myself? Even more questions than answers... I really needed an external facilitator for this conversation between me and myself. And this facilitator came in a really weird form: a couple of hours with the girls in Starbucks. And I found my answer:

"My dream job is related to lifelong learning and my dream master is the one in Copenhagen. This is what I want to do at least for the next 10 years".

So, right now I am looking for opportunities to develop myself as a trainer and involve in educational projects. I know what I want. I have 10 days to draw the plan and then 1 year to stick to it. As for the question in the title, I realized that right now a job is not an objective. Is just a tool to help me get where I want. A tool that doesn't seem to be the best choice for now. I will reevaluate the situation in April, when I will know if the other tools I chose have chosen me :P

Today was a good day... my 2 main worries are in the "problem solved" drawer.

Remembering KAUNAS

The most amazing weekend I had when I was in Lithuania was the one in Oslo, with Roxi :) The second best was the one in Kaunas.

After one of the most interesting bus rides with a crazy ex Catholic priest that wanted to visit me in Cluj, I arrived in Kaunas. My first impressions... horrible weather, comunist bus station... not very promissing, but still better than staying alone in Siauliai without Adisor (my beloved first laptop love). And then I saw Justinas and Christine waiting for me. Nice :) We went to visit the city, had a cup of tea in a great place, saw the 2 rivers and the park, freezed to death and then back to Christine's place (my home for that night). 2 other AIESECers joined us and we ended up talking in the kitchen for about 5 or 6 hours. And that was one of te best conversations I had in Lithuania. Because it wasn't about guys/girls, it wasn't about AIESEC, it wasn't about ourselves... it was about the world, about traveling, about Soviet Union, about random funny stuff. And the next day was just as nice :) I had breakfast with Christine while discussing economy and cultural differences, then went to visit Evil Museum (really, really, really funny and sometimes scary) and had a great omlet in a Janis like place (I was missing it so much!!!!). When I left Kaunas, I was a little bit sorry. I had such a great time! It felt so natural to be there...

Last night, while talking to the 4 most present persons in my life, I remembered Kaunas and my X... And in my memories, conversations are really important :)

"Arta conversatiei"

E o carte pe nu mi-o aminteam cu exactitate. Imi aminteam numai cat de impresionata am fost dupa ce am citit-o prima data, pe cand aveam 15-16 ani. Ceva mai trecuta prin viata, cu alte ganduri, alte aspiratii, alte sentimente am recitit-o in ultimele zile. Am recitit-o si mi-as dori sa am o memorie atat de fidela incat sa pot cita replici intregi, sa pot retine lectiile de viata pe care le-am gasit in "Arta conversatiei".

E o carte asa cum imi place mie. E o carte cu o poveste a ei: are cotorul rupt si lipit, paginile ingalbenite, mirosul specific al cartilor din biblioteca. E o carte in care este o parte din sufletul meu: usor demodat, usor imbatranit, usor meditativ...

"La inceput a fost viata, apoi a fost tot viata, apoi va fi tot viata"

14 februarie

14 februarie 1987... zi tare speciala pentru mami si tati. Ziua in care s-au casatorit.

14 februarie 1988... zi tare speciala pentru mami si tati. Ziua in care si-au botezat copilul. Ce cadou poate fi mai frumos pentru aniversarea de 1 an a casniciei?

14 februarie 2010... zi tare speciala pentru mami, tati si Silvia. In sfarsit am fost acasa sa sarbatorim impreuna cu un pranz delicios si un tort absolut extraordinar (cu crema caramel - preferata mea si multe, multe, multe fructe)

Ziua de ieri a fost frumoasa. In primul rand pentru ca am inceput-o cu soarele zambindu-mi viclean din spatele jaluzelelor. Apoi, cea mai frumoasa surpriza a zilei: tati ne-a adus flori (atat de frumoase si de rosii). Am continuat prin a citi "Arta conversatiei" (o carte plina de lectii valoroase) si a mai invata cate ceva pentru un examen. In timp ce ma pierdeam printe cuvintele Sanzianei Hangan, am constientizat cele mai frumoase amintiri ale mele, cele doua stari care ma emotioneaza atat de puternic de fiecare cand le evoc chiar si cu un colt de memorie... Cu starea aceasta de frumusete interioara si recunostinta, a urmat un pranz frumos in familie si o vizita la mamaia. Si spre seara, in tren, o discutie cu un drag prieten caruia ii zambeau ochii chiar si prin telefon.

Ieri a fost o zi frumoasa in care mi s-a aratat din nou cat e de frumos sa iubesti. Mi s-a aratat cu ce colectie uimitoare de stari si sentimente vine la pachet un cuvant atat de simplu : "iubire"...

why kids are adorable

Something nice I found here:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo.”

Candva Hemingway a scris o nuvela in 6 cuvinte: "De vanzare: pantofi de bebelusi, nepurtati!" despre care a declarat ca a fost cea mai buna opera a sa.

Sunt cuvinte care m-au facut sa simt, m-au facut sa imi amintesc si sa judec oameni pe care ii iubesc. Mi-au intiparit pe fata un zambet trist si m-au facut complet incapabila sa privesc pe cineva in ochi... imi spun din nou ca nu e drept...

Am putut sa creez in mintea mea si o poveste relativ frumoasa sau cel putin lipsita de tristete, dar cumva nu pot sa inclin inspre ea. Parca nu ma convinge suficient de mult.

Ce-a vrut sa spuna Hemnigway???

Up or down?

One of the most common questions these days was "How's the weather in Calarasi?". Today I finally came up with a pretty good answer: "It depends where you're looking: up or down. If you take a look up, you'll see a wonderful, intense blue sky, some puffy, small, white clouds and a really smiley, warm, yellow sun. If you look down, you'll see horrible, gray, dirty puddles, you''ll have the feeling of cold, wet feet and most likely dirty jeans or boots".

So today I looked up. And I saw the smiles, the beauty, the yellow sun. Today I ate (again) tea with biscuits, my toes enjoyed the warm wind, my hair looked nice and wavy, I started reading an amazing book (Arta conversatiei), I had a great lunch. Today I'm having a great, positive day. Maybe because the sun was shining, maybe because I started my day thinking about someone very dear to me, maybe because I talked to my cousin or... maybe because I can look on the bright side of life!

Enjoy today! It was the message that I send to that dear person and it is the message that I had with me all day long.

Apatie de iarna

Daca ar fi sa descriu ziua de ieri in cateva cuvinte, ar fi foarte simplu "Nu-mi pasa". Ieri nu am mai fost nici macar trista. Pur si simplu nu-mi pasa. De nimic. Activitatea preferata: uitatul la/prin flori. Nu mi-a placut. In primul rand pentru ca nici macar nu voiam sa ma simt altfel. In al doilea rand pentru ca nu am facut niciun efort sa ma simt altfel. Si in al treilea rand... nu e un al treilea rand, dar parea incompleta enumerarea.

Apatia mea de iarna e meteodependenta. Dupa ce miercuri a fost o zi delicios de alba prin Bucuresti, cu lupte acerbe pentru a-mi pastra echilibrul si a inota prin nameti, ieri a plouat. A plouat mereu, murdar si agasant. A plouat atat de mult si de tare incat nici macar nu am mai vrut sa ma tina in brate... voiam doar sa stau singura, absenta, nepreocupata intr-un colt si sa ma uit la/prin flori. Cred ca apatia de ieri a fost o noua forma de a claca...

O sa incerc sa ma feresc de acum inainte de apatia de iarna. Dar daca cumva tratamentul preventiv cu infuzie de culoare si zambete nu merge, o sa fac rost de echinacea pentru suflete un pic sucite. Si daca nu o gasesc, o sa o cultiv singura si o sa deschid un Plafar pentru alt fel de afectiuni. Asa ca ori ma feresc de apatie de iarna ori devin antreprenor.

One answer, a billion questions

Today's question and answer:
"Imagine this: you can meet for 24 hours a person that would answer any questions you have. More than that, that person would tell you the truth as it is (or at least the truth as she/he sees it). And you can remember that conversation for the rest of your life. You can remember it as it was, not as you felt or as you would have liked it to be... What person would you choose?"

Who would I choose? Right now, without any doubts, I would chose Silvia Georgiana Patrascu. And please bare with me to hear/read the explanation. It's not because I'm a self centered persona. It's because I want to have some answers that would definitely make me a better person. There are some answers that right now I don't really know how to find out.

I think I would ask myself some very simple questions, basically related on how to motivate myself, on my learning style and on my reactions towards the people around me. Oh... and one of the most important questions... what am I good at when it comes to art? So far, I only discovered what I'm not good at. But as Cami said, it is something for me out there (reaching it is the hard part).

I don't want to know all about me, because discovering myself is a pretty interesting journey. But I would definitely love to know a little bit more and to know the truth about myself... Can I do it? Can I have a 1 to 1 conversation with me? Will I have the patience to get the answers? Will I listen to them? One answer and still a billion questions...

Despre blog

Eu pun de obicei multe intrebari. Si de obicei sunt egoista. Iar zilele astea, cand nu am absolut nicio activitate, sunt acasa si totul se invarteste in jurul meu si al dorintelor mele (mai cu seama culinare), imi pun din ce in ce mai multe intrebari. De cele mai multe ori despre mine... ca sa nu par barfitoare si sa imi satisfac nevoia de a fi centrul universului :D

Intrebarea de ieri a fost legata de blogul meu. De ce in ultima luna de postez asa de des? Motivul e foarte simplu. Acum, blogul e partenerul meu de conversatie, e "colega mea de camera". Anul trecut, de prin iulie si pana in decembrie am fost suficient de norocoasa incat sa am niste colege de camera geniale cu care eram perfect compatibila in materie de chestii random. Acum, au disparut colegele de camera si, colac peste pupaza, a disparut si persoana care ma asculta din simplul motiv ca ma iubea. Asa ca acum chestiile random (care privesc aspecte mai mult sau mai putin existentiale) sau revelatiile cum le ziceam acum vreo 2 ani plutesc haotic prin creierul meu si fac absolut imposibila orice incercare sau incercare de incercare a organizarii gandurilor. Cum sunt o persoana orientata spre solutii, dupa o indelunga meditatie a subconstientului meu (de care am aflat ulterior) , am gasit raspunsul: LET THEM OUT! Si cum orice raspuns cumsecade, vine insotit cel putin de o intrebare aditionala, evident ca urmatorul gand a fost: unde sa le eliberez? In ce lume larga? Si tot subconstientul meu a venit cu solutia: blogosfera (doar sunt atat de multe informatii pe net, care mai de care mai irelevante... nimeni nu o sa fie afectat major daca mai postez si eu cateva ganduri dezordonate)

Si uite asa m-am pornit sa scriu despre revelatii, AHA moments, lucruri care imi mai plac sau care nu, chestiile esentiale care imi consuma energia atat timp cat sunt in interiorul creierasului meu. Si trebuie sa recunosc ca ma simt ceva mai usurata (psihologic vorbind)... ca si cum as face o cura de detoxifiere. Si daca tot am spus ce am avut de spus, e timpul sa ma intorc la invatat :(

Intrebare si raspuns

Anii trecuti ma tot intrebam de unde isi iau puterea oamenii puternici. Cum de au ei atat de multa putere sa treaca peste lucrurile negative din viata lor si sa mai si zambeasca si sa ii ajute pe ceilalti? Am tot incercat sa fac asumptii, i-am intrebat, dar nu am fost multumita de ce am aflat (nu stiu ce am aflat, imi aduc aminte numai senzatia de nelamurire neclarificata).

In seara, ascultand cu atentie versurile melodiilor de la radio, desi incercam din rasputeri sa le evit (dar nu am reusit sa le ignor... nici versurile, nici avalansa de ganduri), mi-a revenit ghidus aceeasi intrebare: de unde isi iau puterea oamenii puternici? Si am inceput sa imi conturez si un raspuns: din ei insisi. Nu stiu daca e raspunsul corect, nici nu stiu daca ma multumeste, dar a fost raspunsul care m-a facut sa iau telefonul in mana, sa ma uit la el cateva secunde si apoi sa il las jos.

Povestea gropii din asfalt

Am auzit de curand intr-un material realizat de Andy Szekely o povestioara tare draguta care explica cum se schimba obiceiurile in oameni.

"Ma trezesc luni de dimineata, ma imbrac, ies pe usa, inchid poarta, merg pe drum, nu vad ca e o groapa si cad in ea.
Ma trezesc marti de dimineata, ma imbrac, ies pe usa, inchid poarta, merg pe drum, nu vad ca e o groapa si cad in ea.
Ma trezesc miercuri de dimineata, ma imbrac, ies pe usa, inchid poarta, merg pe drum, vad ca e o groapa si cad in ea.
Ma trezesc joi de dimineata, ma imbrac, ies pe usa, inchid poarta, merg pe drum, vad ca e o groapa, o ocolesc si imi continui drumul.
Ma trezesc vineri de dimineata, ma imbrac, ies pe usa, inchid poarta, merg pe drum, ma intalnesc cu un vecin, vorbesc cu el, vad ca e o groapa, o ocolesc si imi continui drumul.
Ma trezesc sambata de dimineata, ma imbrac, ies pe usa, inchid poarta, merg pe drum, nu-mi dau seama ca groapa e acolo, o ocolesc si imi continui drumul.
Ma trezesc duminica de dimineata, ma imbrac, ies pe usa, inchid poarta si o iau pe alt drum."

Pe strada mea e miercuri...

Admir

Ma gandeam zilele trecute la oamenii din viata mea. La cei pe care ii am mai aproape, cei pe care i-am vazut din cand in cand, cei care au avut un impact major asupra mea, cei pe care as vrea sa ii revad, cei care imi sunt alaturi mereu sau din cand in cand, cei de la care am invatat si cei pe care i-am invatat... Au trecut multi oameni prin viata mea. Si din acestia multi, sunt cativa pe care i-am admirat. Sau mai bine spus, la care am admirat anumite trasaturi, anumite reactii, anumite pareri sau mod de viata.

Admir altruismul, capacitatea de auto-schimbare, oamenii care pot ierta, oamenii care au credinta, oamenii cu vieti armonioase, oamenii care sunt deschisi invatarii indiferent de varsta, oamenii care stiu sa aduca un zambet pe buzele celorlalti, oamenii inteligenti, oamenii optimisti, pe cei cu valori clare care le ghideaza parcursul in viata, oamenii care au arta in viata lor, oamenii curiosi, oamenii frumosi...

Sunt recunoscatoare pentru ca i-am cunoscut. Viata e mai frumoasa atunci cand vezi frumusetea din ea.

The bucket list

Have you found joy in your life?
Has your life brought joy to others?

Yes and yes.

Toastmasters Cluj

Last week Anusca introduced me to an amazing organization: TOASTMASTERS (http://www.toastmasters.org/). It's a NGO present in 106 countries that has about 250000 members. TOASTMASTERS International empowers people to become better communicators and better leaders. Basically, it teaches you public speaking. And it does it by constant practice. It's simply great! Where else would you have the chance to practice your public speaking skills on a weekly bases? I used to tell my students in Lithuania that "practice makes it perfect". TOASTMASTERS is THE PLACE to practice, to become better and better, to become more aware of your habits and your abilities.

Why does TOASTMASTER fit me like a glove? In a few bullets:

• I discovered that I have ideas and I am a kind person, but most of the times I don't know how to express it, so I need to improve my communication skills
• I want to learn how to actually listen to the others
• Networking - the people that are attending TOASTMASTERS come from very different backgrounds than mine (ok, most of them are programmers :P)
• I want to become a person that can inspire the others
• I want to be more organized
• I want to be a better trainer
• I want to finally know how to react when receiving feedback
• I believe in this organization and in its clear benefits
• I love the idea of building an organization
• I am enthusiastic, energetic and I have free time to invest in great ideas
• I have the organizatoric skills that it takes to get things started
• I am constructive
• It makes me smile

It's gonna be great! I believe in it! And... guess what... I get to stay in Romania, close to my family, I get to reach some of my 2010 objectives, I get to meet new people, I get the time to invest "my eggs" (read hopes, dreams and plans) in more than 1 basket.

Happy, smiley me :)