my thoughts lately

Lately, I started asking myself questions. And this is a very good thing. I'm finally back to reality, so I start thinking, acting again. The questions that I asked most of the people I know is "What is the smartest question you heard lately?". I tried to answer to it as well and I realised that my question is "Who/what decides what is my value?". I don't know the answer yet. I may have a slight idea, but I need to talk about it so that I realise if I'm right.

However, this is not why I wanted to post tonight. Another thing that I was thinking about these days is what I take for granted:

• my parents' support (both emotional and financial) for anything I want to do
• the fact that I will live at least 30 years
• doing every day something I like
• Carturesti and its tea
• my books, earings and fridge magnets
• day dreaming 24 hours a day

I know that many people have to fight to get these things. But I don't. And I don't want to change this. I also took friends for granted, but I was wrong. You have to make an effort to keep them in your life, no matter how close of far away they live.

I know I'm lucky. And this is how I want to stay from now on!

feelings

sentimentul victoriei in echipa, starea euforica ce te face sa sari si sa imbratisezi, sa plangi si sa razi cu gura pana la urechi, sa simti ca lumea e numai a ta.

o iubire ca in cantecele lui Tudor Chirila

acasa

Schimbari

Schimbarea reprezinta singura constanta in viata mea. Totul se modifica, din clipa in clipa, numai ca sa dea nastere la ceva mai frumos si mai adevarat. Stiam eu asta, dar cand mai reflectam din cand in cand ma gandeam ca e vorba numai de acele lucruri importante in viata (si acum cineva care ma cunoaste mai bine decat imi doresc m-ar intreba cu o privire pe sfert atotstiutoare, pe sfert compatimitoare si pe jumatate zambareata: "Ce e cu adevarat important pentru tine?")...

In fine, uite ce s-a mai schimbat la mine (lucruri la care nu m-as fi asteptat absolut deloc):

• nu-mi mai plac batoanele de ciocolata (raman fidela ciocolatei calde din Enigma/ Q Cafe si inghetatei de cacao totusi)
• nu pot sa imi mai concep ziua fara Pasarea Colibri si Ingrid Michaelson
• desi stau de 1 saptamana in camin, nu pot sa spun ca sunt acasa (inainte, daca dormeam peste noapte in alt oras, in 5 minute locul respectiv devenea acasa)
• pot sa dorm pe spate
• seara Toto doarme langa mine, nu la mine in brate (Roxana, oare asta inseamna ca incep sa ma fac si eu mare?)
• scrisul pe blog in romana nu mai e doar o chestie de sinceritate, ci o preferinta

Cred ca astea sunt chestiile majore din nimicurile de zi cu zi. Dar am avut azi revelatia asta si mi s-a parut util sa o mentionez intr-un loc in care o pot revedea ceva mai tarziu.

Silvia :)

mixed feelings

I miss the feelings I had when these pictures were taken. I'm trying to redifine myself now, to create home, to realise what I want to do. I feel that for now I'm like a 1000 pieces puzzle that is spread all around the world. I just hope it won't take me that much to bring all the pieces together.

A really nice surprise

Today I discovered Calin's blog. And I am really impressed by it. I worked with him a couple of months when I entered AIESEC (he was my first TL), but I didn't get to know him very well.
Read it... it has a lot of really interesting thoughts: www.inrandculumea.wordpress.com

Alegeri proaste

De ceva timp, ma tot gandesc la alegerile pe care le-am facut. Si tot de ceva timp, am impresia ca toate aceste alegri au fost proaste. Ceea ce poata sa para un paradox, avand in vedere ca in ultimii ani mi s-au intamplat cele mai faine chestii din viata mea.

Si atunci... ce inseamna o alegere proasta? Ce inseamna pentru mine o alegere proasta? Greu de definit, dar de cateva zile incerc sa fac asta. Am ajuns la cateva caracteristici ale acesteia. Incerc sa fac un prfil cat mai fidel al unei alegeri proaste, dar deocamdata am numai o schita. Asadar, o alegere proasta e o alegere:

• pe care am regretat-o imediat ce am facut-o
• care m-a facut sa plang de cel putin 5 ori (it's not random this number)
• care mi-a adus pierderi financiare
• care m-a indepartat de oameni la care tin
• care ma face sa imi pun mereu intrebarea "Cum ar fi fost daca..."
• care ma indeparteaza de planurile nescrise si negandite din creierasul meu

Da... am facut o tona de alegeri proaste. Dar cumva, nu stiu exact cum, ele au avut si niste consecinte absolut fabuloase... Si-atunci de ce acum regret ca am facut algeri proaste si nu ma bucur de lucrurile frumoase pe care le am/le-am avut? Poate ca e adevarat ca nu stiu sa ma bucur de ceea ce mi se intampla...

O Silvia confuza si pierduta

My favourite photo ever