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miercuri, 29 august 2007

empty

This is how I feel now. Empty... without dreams, without hope, without ambition, without passion. I don't feel like talking to anyone, I can't stand to see myself, I want to have many people around me, but when I meet them, I only smile and I look through them. I don't feel like doing anything, I don't have ambition to finish the things I started. I want to do only things that hurt or destroy me and I cannot explain this to myself.


A few days ago I finally realised that I'm the one who can control my feelings, but now I feel too lazy or too lost in my thoughts and feelings and ex-dreams and I don't find the power to say "Today I'm gonna smile and I'm gonna be happy!". I say that I want to get rid of this awful me, but actually I don't really want it. I don't even know what I want right now, but I know what I need.

Can you make laugh?

luni, 20 august 2007

If

I don't like reading poems. Maybe because I don't understand them, maybe because I expect more from them, maybe because I find myself in them too much. And still, for the first time I recognised my values in this poem. Thanks a lot teach for making me larn this poem 8 years ago.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!



sâmbătă, 18 august 2007

21 words

I saw this on tudor's blog... people who try to define themselves in 21 words. This is me:
copil
culoare
carte
prieteni
singuratate
ciocolata
cluj
AIESEC
zambet
plans
dorinta
tensiune
kundera
cosmin
rasfat
a rade
libertate
independenta
pasiune
calatorie
muzica.
These are the things that define me, that influenced me the most, that left a mark on my soul. Maybe in a few months some of the words will be replaced with others, but now this is me... I'll do this again after the first important thing that will happen to me. I'm curious to see wether the words that don't define my values or my principles will change and whit what they will be replaced.
Who are you in 21 words?

miercuri, 15 august 2007

red vs green


I like colours. It's so hard for me to say which one of them is my favourite. Maybe because I'm the grey type of person I cannot identify myself with only one colour. I love them all. Each colour is for me another feeling, another experience. However, I think the one that will always havee a special place in my heart is RED. Maybe because I'm a faithful person and red was my favourite colour when I was a little girl. Or maybe because it has in it all the passion that sometimes I have and sometimes I long to have. And there is also green... Green gives me power, makes me smile, enables me to keep on dreaming.


But why red vs green? Because I don't know what way should I choose. I associate red with what I want to do right now and green with the rational decisions that I take. It's a bit odd cause now I'm a mix of colours... When it comes to others, I somehow find the strength to be green and to take decisions after analysing the situation, no matter what I feel about that situation... But when it comes to myself, things aren't so clear because I only judge with my little, a bit empty and a bit broken heart. So what am I? Am I green or red or grey or an awful colour that results when you mix red and green?


I know it seems an odd post, but now I really need to find my colour because for the first time in my life I'm aware that I'll have to face too many new and serious situations...


Just me