empty

This is how I feel now. Empty... without dreams, without hope, without ambition, without passion. I don't feel like talking to anyone, I can't stand to see myself, I want to have many people around me, but when I meet them, I only smile and I look through them. I don't feel like doing anything, I don't have ambition to finish the things I started. I want to do only things that hurt or destroy me and I cannot explain this to myself.

A few days ago I finally realised that I'm the one who can control my feelings, but now I feel too lazy or too lost in my thoughts and feelings and ex-dreams and I don't find the power to say "Today I'm gonna smile and I'm gonna be happy!". I say that I want to get rid of this awful me, but actually I don't really want it. I don't even know what I want right now, but I know what I need.

Can you make laugh?