uffa

I broke a promise today. And I'm still thinking how I feel... when I realise, maybe I'll share

Later edit:
I feel guilty for breaking a promiss. What I learned is that I MUST think twice before saying something. And this is what I want to do from now on. Actually take time and think about what I want to do, what I say. Even though I strongly believe in my firstreaction, I don't have the time, the energy nor the strength to do what I want when I first hear about something.

I'm really sorry I wasn't there with you. But I hope you understand I feel I'm walking on thin ice and I actually thought that being there would be something too big and not fully sincere. And if there is something I really want to do from now is being sincere to you...

A leader I know

I kept thinking these days about leaders. Who they are, how they are, what they do and most important what is the impact they have. And I realised that the best example lives right here, with me. It's my mami.

I took advantage of this time home and I talked more and more with her about her, not about me. And I was so happy to see a person that is truely dedicated to what she does, that actually inspires the people with whom she works, that she teaches the others and knows how to put in value the strenghts of the epople she works with. I always knew my mami is a very nice person that everybody likes but I never perceived her as a leader. However, this week that I spent home, while talking to her and people that work with her I realised that she is truely amazing.

What I like the most about mami is that she keeps a balance: a balance between being people oriented and results oriented, a balance between friendship and professional relation, a balance between her family and work. When I was a little girl (as every spoiled kid) I wanted my parents all for myself and I was so upset when they didn't come home at 5 o'clock that I refused afterwards to tell them that I need them, so I kind of pushed them apart. Only now, looking back, I realise that my mami is not a workaholic person, but is a person who actually managed to raise a kid (who turned up pretty good, I say ;) ) and also have a career.

Leaders make changes... She didn't change a situation, she changed the people. She actually discovered that good thing that lies in every person with whom she worked , focused on tahat and helped them develop. I admire here for this (mainly because I'm not able to do it). She's that kind of person who gives a second chance and makes sure that the person who receives it values it and uses it fully. Yesterday it was St. Stephen and she recieved tones of flowers. This is what she likes the most (I'm her daughter and I have to admit that in my dreamworld everytime is my birthday I receive maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaany flowers) and this is what makes her happy. I think I spent last night the most precious moments with mami when when we arranged the flowers and talked about what happened lately at work or with my family.

Games

I love playing games too much. I wish I could say I'm sorry that some of us get hurt, but I'm not. I simply enjoy playing with situations, sometimes with some people, I enjoy too much to be in the same time a loser and a winner, to plan and act and, the most important, to disregard the consequences.

I'm happy I can still afford to treat my life as a continuous game. I wonder till when I can do it without missing the essence...

feelings

Prea multe lucruri nerezolvate, prea multe lucruri amanate, prea multe lucruri nespuse... Credeam ca le pot lasa la Cluj, in camera, intr-un colt stingher al patului, insa se pare ca se incapataneaza sa ma urmareasca pretutindeni. Prea multe intrebari pentru care nu am curaj sa imi gasesc raspunsul, prea multe schimari pe care vreau sa le fac, prea multe griji...

Nu sunt sentimente normale pentru aceasta perioada a anului. Mi-as dori sa ma pot bucura de ceea ce traiesc, de prietenii dragi pe care ii revad, de momentele petrecute doar cu mine. Cu toate acestea, imi tot suna in cap o replica dintr-un film pe care am incercat sa il vad, insa am adormit (Roxi, dupa 3 luni de stat impreuna se pare ca m-am molipsit de la tine :) ): "I don't like myself that much"... Am avut o perioada in care am facut numai lucruri alandala, in care nu am stiut sa pretuiesc oamenii de langa mine si nici ceea ce fac pentru mine, iar acum vreau sa sterg totul si sa imi incep o viata noua. Dar pana si asta mi-e frica sa fac...

Vreau sa incep sa imi raspund la intrebari, vreau sadepasesc starea asta de melancolie pe care o am aproape in fiecare an in preajma Craciunului, vreau sa fiu impacata cu mine, cu felul in care ma port, cu felul in care arat, cu ceea ce exprim... Vreau, vreau, vreau... Tot anul am vrut. Si ce am facut? Aproape nimic... Nu stiu de ce, dar daca acum ma uit inapoi nu vad decat lucrurile urate si pe cele care nu s-au intamplat, nu vad decat jumatatea goala a paharului... Sunt prea adanc scufundata in butoiul cu melancolie. Nici macar cadourile de Craciun nu ma fac sa zambesc asa cum o fac de obicei... Am nevoie sa am langa mine oamenii la care tin. Si sunt prea putini aici...

Mi-e dor...

so me, so now

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

Enthusiastic :)

The 7 Secrets of Highly Successful People

My Result: Enthusiastic

Your zeal for life can be infectious because you tend to take on the things you do with fervor and passion. You also place value on being well liked and developing and maintaining good work relationships.

Your positive energy and attitude can be an inspiration to co-workers. They likely feel that your presence makes the workweek go by much more easily. When problems do arise around the office, you might find that you are one of the first people called upon to resolve them.

Your diplomatic nature can make you a natural when it comes to conflict resolution because you seek ways to keep all parties satisfied. This skill can make you a popular leader. By keeping long-term ambitions in mind, you realize that fair policies make for good business.


Projecting positivity wherever you go is a quality that is not easily acquired by others. More than most, you have a knack for saying the right thing at the right time.

Take this test >

:) for my roomies :)

" - Silvia, tu cum te vezi in viitor?
- [...] singura [...]
- [...] singura, asa ma gandeam si eu"

" - Silvia, pe tine cine te dadaceste?
- Nimeni"

" - Noi despre ce vorbim?
- Despre AIESEC, despre baieti (mai rar), despre noi, despre durerile noastre"

These are the most important words I exchanged in the last months with those around me. Like milestones in my dialogues. These are the words that challenged my worldview, that made me think about myself, about my relations with the others. And each of these words made me feel in a certain way, made me want more and more from me.

The greatest thing about this is not that I changed, that I grew, but the fact that all these were said by my 2 best friends. And it's comfortable to know that you have friends that challenge you, that support you, that you love :)

Thanks a lot girls for everything you did for me :)

that's true...

Silvia, your dream job is to be President

Unlike some people, your dream job doesn't involve lying on the beach somewhere or being paid to take naps. No, you love to get things done and get them done right (or at least, your way). That's why your dream job is to be president! Can't you just picture it? Being in charge and making the really important decisions? Changing the world each and every day? And forget about flying coach — you've got Air Force One. We bet that sounds like heaven for a driven go-getter like you.

Of course you don't have to come in first at the polls to succeed. As long as you remember to keep asking questions and demanding change, your vision can still help make the world a better place.

my new passion- gifts

"Some men throw their gifts away on a life of mediocrity, great men throw everything they have into their gifts and achieve a life of success."
-- Greg Werner

one team, one smile :)

ONE TEAM, ONE SINCERE SMILE :)

We want to create an original environment through unity, responsibility and self awareness where our delegates begin their flight to SUCCESS!

It's a tie :)... ain't it usually?

Which Disney Princess Are You?
	You are part Cinderella. You are hard-working and never complain, however, your trust is sometimes misplaced and people sometimes take advantage of you. Still, you are beautiful inside and out, and one day you will realize it and find true love.
	You are part Pocahontas. You defy convention and sometimes do what is considered taboo. Unfortunately, others do not always appreciate your differences, so it's good that you are so strong-willed. You are loyal and you believe in fate. Your true love will find you one day.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Dans in ploaie - Ana Blandiana

De mult timp nu m-a mai facut un vers sa ma cutremur toata... demult nu am mai simtit emotie citind o poezie, mai ales in fata calculatorului... Demult nu mi-am mai amintit de ceea ce eram si ceea ce faceam acum 6-7 ani, de intalnirile cu Lore in care discutam numai despre literatura... Demult nu mi-am mai amintit de pasiunea mea de a citi beletristica... Demult nu m-a influentat asa mult un prim vers...

Ana Blandiana - Dans în ploaie

Lăsaţi ploaia să mă îmbrăţişeze de la tâmple până la glezne,
Iubiţii mei, priviţi dansul acesta nou, nou, nou,
Noaptea-şi ascunde ca pe-o patimă vântul în bezne,
Dansului meu i-e vântul ecou.

De frânghiile ploii mă caţăr, mă leg, mă apuc
Să fac legătura-ntre voi şi-ntre stele.
Ştiu, voi iubiţi părul meu grav şi năuc,
Vouă vă plac flăcările tâmplelor mele.

Priviţi până o să vi se atingă privirea de vânt
Braţele mele ca nişte fulgere vii, jucăuşe -
Ochii mei n-au cătat niciodată-n pământ,
Gleznele mele n-au purtat niciodată cătuşe!

Lăsaţi ploaia să mă îmbrăţişeze şi destrame-mă vântul,
lubiţi-mi liberul dans fluturat peste voi -
Genunchii mei n-au sărutat niciodată pământul,
Părul meu nu s-a zbătut niciodată-n noroi!

ce face plictiseala din om

You Need Some Black in Your Life

Black will make you feel powerful, in control, and not bound to what other people think of you. And with a little black, you will project a aura of mystery, rebellion, and dominance. If you want people to respect you, you've got to get a little black in your life! For extra punch: Combine black with orange or red The downside of black: People won't be able to "read" you - and may perceive you as more aggressive than you actually are The consequences of more black in your life: You'll become a figure of intrigue and speculation You'll be better prepared for life's unknown path You'll rest better and free yourself of expectations

What Color Do You Need?

my 2 favourite colours: red & orange

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's

And now what?

As vrea sa imi iau un bilet dus spre Paris... Sa plec intr-o aventura noua, sa ma rup de tot ceea ce simt acum... Insa as pleca numai in timpul meu liber. Imi place proiectul la care lucrez acum si nu as renunta la el nicicand, insa cand vine vorba de timpul meu liber, de oamenii din jurul meu, de ceea ce fac cand nu ma gandesc la SprinCO... As vrea sa ma rup de tot universul asta... dintr-un motiv foarte simplu. Simt ca incep sa prind radacini si nu vreau lucrul asta. Mi-e mult mai simplu sa fiu elementul nou in decor, sa ma adaptez, sa cunosc superficial oamenii decat sa ma obisnuiesc intr-un loc, sa iau tot ceea mi se intampla cu implicati pe termen scurt si lung, sa lupt pentru unele lucruri sau persoane la care tin.

Sunt o persoana careia ii place sa straluceasca o data si apoi sa dispara, sa isi gaseasca un alt domeniu in care sa faca acelasi lucru. Incerc sa schimb oarecum lucrul asta, insa tendinta mea de a parasi locul in care ma aflu acum este mult prea puternica. Imi doresc sa plec undeva departe, unde nu cunosc pe nimeni, sa o iau de la 0 si sa nu mai faca atatea greseli in legatura cu cei din jurul meu. Dar stiu ca nu o sa fac lucrul asta. Pentru mine conteaza prea mult parerea anumitor persoane ca sa ma mai razgandesc inca o data, ca sa le mai uimesc si sa le mai dezamagesc inca o data.

Oamenilor le este in general frica de schimbare... mie mi-e frica de a ramane pe loc. Si nu pentru ca simt ca o sa stagnez ci pentru ca simt ca voi fi nevoita sa ii las pe cei care ma stiu sa ma cunoasca. Mi-e teama de lucrul asta si pana acum am incercat sa il evit cat de mult am putut. Dar oare de acum inainte ce va fi? Imi doresc sa termin facultatea cat mai repede ca sa pot pleca din Cluj, sa ma rup de mediul in care sunt acum in care, desi imi place, nu vreau sa raman prinsa.

Ma simt ciudat acum pentru ca nu am programul full si pentru ca am timp sa ma gandesc la mine, am timp sa imi pun intrebari si sa imi raspund la ele, am timp de mine si de ceilalti... insa fatidic moment, caci tocmai acum nimeni nu are timp de mine :(

Support

At the debriefing of tonight's team building, Deia said something very nice that really touched me and made me feel here and now. It was about a game where you're supossed to lift up from the ground together with a few other persons, in the same time. And what I will remember is how you feel when you are the one in the middle, in the spot light and how it feels when you support the others not to slip.

I know that now I'm in a support period of my life (at least in most aspects; friends, family, AIESEC). What I'm wondering is how I got here. Am I mature enough to be so, it was a choice I made without thinking about the consequences or is this a position that chose me? I really hope it was my decision and that I am mature enough not to feel de need to be in the spotlight. I really hope that I can leave others to enjoy the beauty of the spotlight, like I did or I didn't from some points of view.

However, something I kept asking myself for the last weeks is where those support persons get their energy. Do you need your own support? Do you take it from the others? It comes from inside? In my case, my energy comes from me and from the attitude that I chose towards things that happen. Is about noticing more people around, about discovering them, about laughing with all my heart and being challenged.