Key Learning Points

It's been a long session... But I've learned a lot myself and the world around me... So here are my key learning points from the session:

• don't eat fast nor after 20:00
• sleep when you need to
• laugh as much as possible... it diminishes stress
• set realistic goals
• go out from time to time
• don't mix business and pleasure
• appreciate the people around you
• study for yourself, not for a grade nor pride
• a headache hurts, put ego hurts like shit
• if you are a pessimist person, make sure you work with optimist persons on key areas
• if you want others not to judge you, be the one that makes the first step and stop judging them
• trust the hunches you have
• falling from the top has the advantage of providing a long, interesting trip only with yourself
• don't lose contact with the people you care about
• always have pineapple and chocolate
  
• there are words I will forget
  
• never go shopping if you are too sad - you'll regret it for the rest of the month!
• if internal sources of power are off, switch to outlet power :)
• never live alone!!! It's even more boring than studying....
  

More to come when I will become smarter or wiser...

People

There are people that give me hope. There are people that make me see the reality. There are people that enable me to dream. There are people that make me happy. There are people that make me feel like a princess. There are people that make me believe that magic moments will come no matter what. And what do I offer to these people? Many times a smile, a dream, but so many other times a grin or a mean word...

How do I find the equilibrium between what I offer and what I receive? Because many times so far I received much more than I offered. And even when I thought I offered all that I could, they proved me that I need more from them.

My question, maybe a bit naive, is where from do they get their hope and energy? They receive it from the others or they simply wake up in the morning and are like this? I wish I knew... actually, I wish i were like them...

inimi de vanzare

Maine e val day. Poate de-asta am vazut zilele trecute intr-un supermarket o inima imensa. Atat de mare incat nu o puteam cuprinde in brate; nu stiu daca avea loc pe patul meu din camin. Am stat si m-am uitat la ea cateva minute... imi doream sa o am. Inca imi mai doresc. Imi doresc o inima atat de mare incat sa imi iasa din corp si care sa poata ierta si accepta mai mult decat o face acum.

Ma tot gandesc cum sunt persoanele care daruiesc o inima atat de mare. Incerc sa imi imaginez cum e sa ai o inima imensa si sa o daruiesti pe toata. Oare nu ramai gol? Sau dimpotriva, simplul fapt ca o dai cu atat de multa dragoste va face ca inima ta sa creasca si mai mult desi ai daruit-o? Cred ca pana la urma ramai fara ea numai atunci cand vezi ca cei care o primesc nu o mai vor... ca se joaca cu ea si apoi o arunca sau, si mai bine, ti-o returneaza intr-un ambalaj frumos spunand... ne pare rau, de acum inainte nu mai avem nevoie de ea, am gasit ceva mai bun.

Sunt inimi de vanzare pe peste tot... Probabil sunt inimile aruncate. Probabil cineva le gaseste si le aduna pe toata si incearca sa faca din bucati rupte si din cioburi inimi noi... Inimi noi care arata la fel, dar care pe dinauntru nu prea mai au nimic... Insa aparenta e cea care conteaza pentru ca toata lumea cumpara inimi... Ma intreb din nou ceva... Oare cumpara inimi sau incearca sa se amageasca crezand ca inima respectiva vine ambalata cu tot cu sentimente?

Sunt inimi de vanzare peste tot... Dar cate inimi de daruit mai sunt?

this is me

Probably now I'm doing the biggest error: I'm all alone in my room, I watched again the record with my professional presentation and the Q&A session and everything that popped into my mind started with "I should have been...".

I want to move on, I want to focus on something else, I want to cry or to find a way of letting out all the confusion and the sadness, but I can't. I'm here all alone and it hurts. It's not unbearable, it's not that kind of pain that destroys me, but it's persistent and it doesn't disappear. Maybe I can't find a way of expressing myself maybe I want someone to come and get me out of this place. I know for sure that I don't want people to feel pity for me. And I want them to want and to be able to respect my wishes and my needs, but I saw that they can't... I had the hunch that they won't be able to do it... and again, I had a good hunch.

Instead, what do I do? I keep listening "Good bye my love good bye". Yesterday morning when I decided to go shopping I had this song in my mind... and the only thing I heard was "Good Bye". Now, after listening it over and over I hear only the end "I come back to you". I will come back to AIESEC. The only thing I don't know is when I will do it fully and being able to look them in the eyes and honestly be glad for them.

I received as a feedback that I'm not organized... they are right. As you can see from this post, I only have random thoughts... And randomly said now, what annoys me the most is that I know I will understand the reasons he didn't elect me and I won't be angry with him. Instead of anger that comes and goes it will remain the haunting memory of my first failure... Some may say I was lucky to live 20 years without actually failing in anything.

I keep asking myself what did I learn from this experience... so far, that if I dress nice I feel more self confident (so don't be surprised if you see me wearing high heels or skirts) and that I'm too proud to allow myself to feel bad or not to act with maturity. Hopefully, more lessons will come these days.

For now I will put on my red high heels and prepare to see the beauty around me :)

an interesting day

An interesting day today. It started with tears... tears of sadness, tears of pain, tears of frustration. At noon, again tears... this time, tears of worry for my grandpa. This day it's about to end... and again, tears... tears of joy and emotion...

ups and downs

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be
Will I be pretty
Will I be rich
Here's what she said to me

Que sera sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera

When I was just a child in school
I asked my teacher what should I try
Should I paint pictures
Should I sing songs
This was her wise reply

Que sera sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will there be rainbows day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said

Que sera sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera

What will be, will be
Que sera sera...

This is one of my favourite songs, one of my favourite messages. However, I can't listen to this message... it would be too easy to trust what future holds in store for me... I really don't know what this may be and today I realized that I'm not that lucky as I thought, that I lose from time to time (and unfortunately, my first reaction to this is not a positive one). I'm sad... not only because things didn't turn out the way I wanted, but because I'm not sure why did it happened: I'm not good enough or I didn't try hard enough...

challenge. performance. relevance

When the wind of change blows, some build walls. Others build windmills.

there is no such thing as eternity

It comes a time when it's over. Everything. And everything ends so stupidly, so irrationally, as if God or the universe have no mercy for what or who remains. It ends in a stupid car crush...

It's not fair. Life should give us a two week notice when it decides to leave us. After all, it's just a tenant in our bodies, in our environment. Of course, it's that tenant that is everything for us. And this is exactly why it shouldn't leave us without a notice...

And now what? What will she do all alone and a bit crazy? What will they do without their favorite math teacher? I'm a solution oriented person, but somehow I don't think they invented the algorithm (and for sure I can't find one now) to cope with this kind of situation...

We'll miss you, teach... Maybe you miss us also, wherever you are now

:))

Which Gilmore Girls Character Are You?
	You are part Sookie. You are bubbly, fun, and a little klutzy. You are devoted and passionate--sometimes to the point of obsession.
	You are part Rory. You pride yourself on your moral fortitude. You are a bit of a prude and bookworm, but you have honesty and a quiet humor on your side.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com