Hapiness and excellence

Lately, I thought a lot about excellence. A few months ago, I was sure that "striving for excellence" is one of my personal values. Now, I have second thoughts. I saw what it means trying to reach excellence. And I saw it means failing to reach it.

Unconsciously, I made a choice a few months ago. I chose that I won't strive for excellence if this doesn't make me happy... And now, reaching excellence in one domain or another won't make me happy. I have to admit that if I want to be really, really, really good at something I have to work a lot, I have to focus only on that thing, I have to have a high level of motivation (and pretty much constant), I have to be enthusiastic, I have to have time. And striving for excellence means devoting myself, my energy, putting my heart in only one thing.

Sometimes, doing only one thing makes me happy. But not now. Now I need my friends, school, AIESEC, my family and IC in order to be happy. And I want them constantly in my life. So, I can't devote myself fully to only one aspect. And this is why I chose not to strive for excellence. I chose to enjoy the simple life, without continuous challenges, without underfucking everything, without making conscious efforts to grow up or to learn from every experience I have.

I feel more self aware... And I'm not afraid to admit who I am... I'm a person that just realised that she needs to learn more practical stuff, to actually gain knowledge on her domains of interest and stop pretending that she has developed abilities that she doesn't actually has at an acceptable standard for real world.

This is me... happy and a bit mediocre. This is me... and I accept myself as I am.